That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
