I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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