i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
