Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
