I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
