You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
