All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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