I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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