Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
