also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
