Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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