under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
