well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
