And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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