true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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