if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
