I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
