This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
