using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
