if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
