At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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