I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
