I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
