Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
