she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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