What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
