He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
