I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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