can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
