is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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