why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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