I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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