Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
vagina is talking i cant
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
