i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
