my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need a beard to bite.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
