it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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