Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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