my mouth tastes like poor choices
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
