ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
