I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
