handjob tips. give me some.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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