making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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