how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
