Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
