I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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