I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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