So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
