The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
