Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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