I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
